IMPERIAL PROTOCOLS & STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURES

---

PREAMBLE

Compliance with these protocols is not merely expected; it is statistically inevitable. Failure to adhere to these guidelines will result in mandatory re-education at the Remedial Reality Center (RRC).

---

SECTION 1: PUBLIC CONDUCT

1.1 Greeting Superiors

When encountering a member of the Imperial Court:

1. Halt all forward momentum.
2. Bow at an angle of precisely 42 degrees.
3. Recite the daily affirmation: "The Empire is eternal, provided the servers stay up."

1.2 Gravity Usage

Gravity is a privilege provided by the state.

• Standard Gravity (1G): Available during business hours (08:00 - 18:00).
• Low Gravity (0.5G): Enforced on weekends to encourage "light-heartedness."
• Zero Gravity: Punishment for loitering.

1.3 Public Smiles

The "Bureau of Happiness" mandates a minimum smile width of 4cm in public sectors. Frowning is considered a Class C misdemeanor (Public Morale Sabotage).

---

SECTION 2: RESOURCE MANAGEMENT

2.1 Tea Consumption

Tea is the fuel of the Empire.

• Earl Grey, Hot: Reserved for Captains and above.
• Herbal Blends: Permitted for civilian use.
• Coffee: STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Possession of beans is treason.

2.2 Oxygen Rationing

Due to ongoing atmospheric recalculations:

• Breathing is unrestricted on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
• On Tuesdays and Thursdays, citizens are encouraged to hold their breath between 14:00 and 14:15 to conserve supply.

---

SECTION 3: EMERGENCY PROCEDURES

3.1 Reality Glitches

If you observe a texture failure, object clipping, or déjà vu:

1. Do not panic.
2. Do not attempt to exploit the glitch for infinite currency.
3. Submit a ticket to the Ministry of Truth immediately.

3.2 Alien Contact

In the event of unauthorized extraterrestrial contact:

• Do not sign any treaties without a lawyer present.
• Do not accept "galactic beads" in exchange for planetary rights.
• Offer them tea. If they refuse, open fire.

---

SECTION 4: BUREAUCRACY

4.1 Form 27B/6

To request a permit to fill out a form, you must first complete Form 27B/6.

• This form must be signed in triplicate.
• One copy is for you.
• One copy is for the archives.
• One copy must be ritually burned to appease the Data Gods.

---