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Decree № I
Ministry of Truth
Updating history in real-time for your convenience. Yesterday has been improved.
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Anno Imperii MMDCCLXXX
Glory to the Empire
“Order through Chaos. Chaos through Bureaucracy.”
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Empire Statistics
Audited · Star-Date 4921.8 · Verified by the Bureau of Numbers
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8,421,902,110
Total Population
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142
Planets Annexed
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104%
Global Happiness Index
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Tea Consumed (L)
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Imperial Services
Three departments. One destiny. Compliance is its own reward.
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Decree № II
Department of Space
Expanding borders into dimensions you didn't know existed. Forms in triplicate.
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Decree № III
Bureau of Happiness
Mandatory smiles required in all public sectors. Minimum width: four centimetres.
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“Official Portrait Placeholder. Do not stare directly at the empty space.”
Sealed
by H.C.
by H.C.
File № 4921-Ω
From the Desk of the High Chancellor
Monthly State of the Empire Address
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Citizens! The construction of the Subspace Dyson Sphere around the second sun has been delayed due to a shortage of contractors willing to work in absolute zero conditions. We remind you that volunteering is mandatory for all citizens with Type B+ blood this cycle.
In other news, gravity will be reduced by 15% next Tuesday to facilitate heavy lifting. Please tie down your pets, your furniture, and any unresolved feelings.
— High Chancellor G. Vortex
Signed in triplicate